If a clown laughs at you and you get scared, take the clowns shoes off and throw them at him.

If I could talk to dogs, I would tell them that dog spelled backwards is god.

If I had hands that had mouthes on them, I would still eat with my head mouth, because who wants to eat with their bare hands?

If I was a chicken, I would lay eggs and eat them, Who wants to waste their money on eggs when you can lay them?

If you want to break something, do it in the pitch black dark, then when they ask who did it, you can say you didn't see them.

When a person calls trying to sell you something, in the most serious voice you can, tell them you invented/founded their product/company, in whatever way they reply, reply back to them with "I am king of the world" and hang up.

If I was a hot dog, I would do a little belly dance for my consumer, hey, he might like it and not eat me.